More tranny stories later!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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