I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
