his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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