Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
