Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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