Plan B is the new Plan A
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
