instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
