Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
