Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
