Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
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