Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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