when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
where does the pee come out of this thing
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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