My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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