i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
