Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Boobs are out for the taking
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
whose parrot is this?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
