The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
