i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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