He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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