If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
