Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
