Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
