I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
