haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
