So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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