Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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