man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
