can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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