I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
