If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
