tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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