i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
