Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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