I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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