So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
