I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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