im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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