so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
