what if every blade of grass was a penis?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
