Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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