Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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