somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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