i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
why do cheetos always look like penises
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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