it was like his penis was on wheels.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
