So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Randomize