i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
