yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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