so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
