i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
