Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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