they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
