Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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