She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
