my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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