my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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