Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
