I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
