Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
