So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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