I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
