Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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