margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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