I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
