whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
