I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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