And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I deserve this hangover.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
