No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
