coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
