upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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