and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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