all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
