That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
