I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
