Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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