i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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