watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
